I know my last post wasn't the most positive entry, considering I was upset when I posted it. But I'm getting better. My mood has been lifted by Tanner, a boy who called me at 1:45 AM to ask me out on a date.
Let's back up a few days and I'll tell you everything that has happened concerning boys...
Friday, March 2- I went and saw my exboyfriend Kurtis. We're still really good friends and it was nice being able to talk to him and his family. I dated him my freshman and sophomore year of high school.
Saturday, March 3- Went downtown with one of my good friends, Lauren and her cousin Jordan. Jordan complemented me, saying I was very attractive. We exchanged numbers later. Later that night, Lauren and I met up with Tanner. We went and saw Safe House and pretty sure Tanner wanted to hold my hand. Lauren told me when we were going home that Tanner was a total cutie! Haha. I dropped Lauren off at home and called this kid Max who wanted to see me. I went and saw him, he told me that he really liked me and that he wanted to try things out with me... I still don't know what that really means. OH! And during the movie this other boy Will called me. But anways, Saturday ended with Max kissing me. It wasn't too bad of a kiss. It made me giddy, as I think kisses should.
Sunday, March 4- I went and hung out with Tanner at like... 2:30 in the morning. We went and got food and then to this view that over looks the entire valley. Really breath taking. Tanner and I just talked the entire time. Laughing and getting to know each other really.
Monday, March 5- Went out with Will. He took me out to Indian food and then we walked around down town and then got coffee. That was a pretty good date. Nothing out of the ordinary really. He's a cute kid, down to earth. But there was just so much more walking then I had anticipated. I wore boots with an inch or two heel and my feet were raw by the time I got back home.
Tuesday, March 6- Tanner told me he has a crush on me and would like to take me out on a date Saturday. Dinner and ice skating, he says. It might change though haha.
Throw in that I'm not at all, over my exboyfriend and he's all that I can think about when I'm not distracting myself with facebook, twitter, skyrim, and texting all at once. Also throw in that I have nooo idea where all these guys came from and why they like me. I'm just your average Jane. Plain Jane really.
Sometimes all the attention is nice, and flattering. But other times it gets annoying as hell.
The happiness cup is full at the moment, but I don't expect it to last long.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
I Really Have No Room
I found out my exboyfriend has a new girlfriend. Does that leave me room to be upset?
A B S O L U T E L Y N O T.
But I still am. This is really pathetic but I went onto his facebook and I saw he was in a relationship.
I instantly started crying. Then I started saying, I hate you! Over and over and over again...
I was hoping that if I repeated the phrase enough, I would eventually start to mean it.
I'm in no way, shape, or form over this boy. We broke up 8 months ago. We kept in contact, still saw each other, and even sometimes kissed. Maybe that's where I went wrong. When you break up, break up! Stop talking to him, stop seeing him and let your heart heal. Now I'm here, worse then ever.
I swear to God I was going to marry this kid. He was seriously everything I was looking for and what I felt for him (still do...) I would walk through hell for him. But now he has someone new. And picturing him with someone else absolutely kills me. Shatters my already broken heart.
I read somewhere that if you truely love someone, you want them to be happy even if you're not a part of that happiness. Does that mean I don't truly love him? I'm being selfish and jealous and I shouldn't be. He's not mine anymore. But I still want him. I still see him as mine.
Please, heart, I'm begging you... Get over him.
A B S O L U T E L Y N O T.
But I still am. This is really pathetic but I went onto his facebook and I saw he was in a relationship.
I instantly started crying. Then I started saying, I hate you! Over and over and over again...
I was hoping that if I repeated the phrase enough, I would eventually start to mean it.
I'm in no way, shape, or form over this boy. We broke up 8 months ago. We kept in contact, still saw each other, and even sometimes kissed. Maybe that's where I went wrong. When you break up, break up! Stop talking to him, stop seeing him and let your heart heal. Now I'm here, worse then ever.
I swear to God I was going to marry this kid. He was seriously everything I was looking for and what I felt for him (still do...) I would walk through hell for him. But now he has someone new. And picturing him with someone else absolutely kills me. Shatters my already broken heart.
I read somewhere that if you truely love someone, you want them to be happy even if you're not a part of that happiness. Does that mean I don't truly love him? I'm being selfish and jealous and I shouldn't be. He's not mine anymore. But I still want him. I still see him as mine.
Please, heart, I'm begging you... Get over him.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Have you?
Have you ever been in a situation where you realize that the boy on the other end of the phone is absolutely in love with you? In fact, he is so in love with you that he’s crying about it. And it’s not a pathetic, teary cry; no he’s actually crying over what has happened between you two. He’s crying because he knows that he’s lost you and there’s nothing he can do to fix it.
Have you ever been in a situation where you realize that back in the day, you had everything that you could have asked for? In fact, everything was so perfect that you didn’t realize how well you had it until it was gone. Now you’re lying in bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking of the happier days when you weren’t afraid to love fully, or when you weren’t afraid of anything.
Have you ever been in a situation that if you stop, you’re afraid you’ll never be able to start again? And I mean that in a literal sense. In fact, so literal, your heart would stop beating.
I have.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Girl Code
Apparently I missed that day in school when they went over "girl code" because I am breaking every rule in the book lately.
My best friend has this new thing going with this new guy. He tells my friend that he wants to run an idea past me concerning her. So, we add each other on skype and he asks me how he thinks I should ask her to prom. We're all in college but once he found out that my friend had never gone to prom, he decided it would be fun and cute if he asked her to go. I think it's totally sweet and we brainstormed ideas for a good hour or so. Keep in mind by this time it's midnight and my best friend and I are roommates. So, she comes in my room after me and her guy are done discussing prom. We all talk and laugh for a while until my friend says she needs to get to bed. It's one in the morning by now. I ask her if it's ok if me and him keep talking and she says it's fne. So my best friend/roommie heads off to bed and me and her guy are left talking. We end up getting in this really deep conversation about everything that has gone wrong in his life and how it has affected him. So, I stay up and listen to him because I feel like if I was in his situation, I would want someone to talk to. After that conversation we talked about movies and music until we both were tired and decided to call it a night. By then, it was three in the morning.
Now, according to "girl code", this is unacceptable. I told my friend that me and her guy stayed up talking till three last night and she did not like the sound of this. At first, she thought that I had just spilled every little secret that I knew about her, to him. I KNOW that is not acceptable and the fact that she thinks I would do something like that hurts like hell. Then she proceeds to explain that she thinks I'm going to steal him away from her because I have done that in the past with my other friends. At this point in time I want to tell her just to fuck off because that's NOT what happened, and she knows it! And she also knows how badly I feel for what I did to those other girls. The fact that she would think I would even consider doing that to her shows how much she trusts me. I tried to explain to her (without going into details) what me and her guy talked about and how it sucks to feel completely worthless all the time, and me and him are in the same boat about that. We're in the same boat on a lot of things concerning emotional problems. But, she refuses to listen. She just sits there and says how I'm so inconsiderate towards her feelings. I then told her that I was trying to be a friend towards this guy who I could see was having a rough time, and if me and her can't be friends because me and him are friends is absolutely pathetic and shows me where our friendship lies. My best friend/roommie have been friends since the fourth grade.
What I feel like people want to do to me almost always. Maybe I would be better off as a bloody mess and left to rot.
My best friend has this new thing going with this new guy. He tells my friend that he wants to run an idea past me concerning her. So, we add each other on skype and he asks me how he thinks I should ask her to prom. We're all in college but once he found out that my friend had never gone to prom, he decided it would be fun and cute if he asked her to go. I think it's totally sweet and we brainstormed ideas for a good hour or so. Keep in mind by this time it's midnight and my best friend and I are roommates. So, she comes in my room after me and her guy are done discussing prom. We all talk and laugh for a while until my friend says she needs to get to bed. It's one in the morning by now. I ask her if it's ok if me and him keep talking and she says it's fne. So my best friend/roommie heads off to bed and me and her guy are left talking. We end up getting in this really deep conversation about everything that has gone wrong in his life and how it has affected him. So, I stay up and listen to him because I feel like if I was in his situation, I would want someone to talk to. After that conversation we talked about movies and music until we both were tired and decided to call it a night. By then, it was three in the morning.
Now, according to "girl code", this is unacceptable. I told my friend that me and her guy stayed up talking till three last night and she did not like the sound of this. At first, she thought that I had just spilled every little secret that I knew about her, to him. I KNOW that is not acceptable and the fact that she thinks I would do something like that hurts like hell. Then she proceeds to explain that she thinks I'm going to steal him away from her because I have done that in the past with my other friends. At this point in time I want to tell her just to fuck off because that's NOT what happened, and she knows it! And she also knows how badly I feel for what I did to those other girls. The fact that she would think I would even consider doing that to her shows how much she trusts me. I tried to explain to her (without going into details) what me and her guy talked about and how it sucks to feel completely worthless all the time, and me and him are in the same boat about that. We're in the same boat on a lot of things concerning emotional problems. But, she refuses to listen. She just sits there and says how I'm so inconsiderate towards her feelings. I then told her that I was trying to be a friend towards this guy who I could see was having a rough time, and if me and her can't be friends because me and him are friends is absolutely pathetic and shows me where our friendship lies. My best friend/roommie have been friends since the fourth grade.
What I feel like people want to do to me almost always. Maybe I would be better off as a bloody mess and left to rot.
Blogging
Blogging is the ultimate form of someone reading your personal journal. But yet, people make blogs every day. Their words need to heard I guess. But then again, why I am here? I don't really care who you are or why you're reading this, but some of the things I post may offend you. My thoughts don't always match my actions and as everybody says, life sucks and karma's a bitch. I'm not perfect and I am no where close to claiming that I am but, I am a girl trying to figure out what this life is all about. I make mistakes, not regrets. And sometimes those mistakes get me in some serious trouble. But to become old and wise, you must first be young and stupid. My name is Keary, and this is you, reading the words I am typing into this blog.
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